The Changing Dynamics of Intimate Relationships

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We live in a world with significantly changing cultural morals. When I was growing up, the males were romantically assertive, and the women generally were pursued. There seems to be a new sexual revolution that has changed all that. Elaine and I have great compassion for young people. Somehow, we have been surrounded by them all our married lives. After all these years we simply shrug, exclaiming it must be something the Father is doing. Remarkably, young people feel safe around us.

On a consistent basis, we volunteer time at the local high school within the music program. One particular fall, we were in the band room measuring the kids for their marching uniforms. Elaine was measuring a wonderful young lady, Sarah. We had watched her grow from a skinny, clumsy freshman into a captivating young woman. As Elaine was recording her numbers, Sarah rather casually asked, “So when is it ok to sleep with my boyfriend?” What a question for a highschooler to ask a volunteer, even if she did see her fairly regularly!

It would be culturally appropriate, even expected, to simply defer answering that entire subject area to her parents. Elaine broke with cultural tradition to engage in conversation about the world of sex with a young highschooler.

Two hours later, Sarah’s boyfriend, Matt comes into the band room for his fitting. His uniform was a perfect match from last year so no alterations were needed and no opportunities presented themselves for conversation. When lunch time came around, I offered to do a Chipotle run and I needed a wing man. Matt stepped up quickly, calling shotgun—an opportunity!

When building relationships with young people, Elaine and I present information in a relaxed, testing manner so the young people can, with complete freedom, reject the subject matter altogether or continue the conversation by inviting us deeper into their emotional spaces. As with anyone, you have to earn the right to start and build relationships with young people.

I asked Matt about his relationship with Sarah. With a sly glance he grinned, commenting, “We are about to take our two-year relationship to a much deeper level.”

“Really, how so?” I asked.

“Mr. Musick, we are thinking of doing it.”

Making sure I did not react in a way that would close off his openness, I stated, “Big step.”

“Yeah, but it is really up to her.”

“Matt, you are dead wrong.”

To that he looked shocked, so I continued to explain how we, as guys, are divinely wired to pursue the women of our dreams. We talked about how the decision to become intimate with any woman will stay with them for eternity. I told him that both he and Sarah would forever carry the residual of each and every union with others at a soul level.

We were designed divinely to find a mate and dedicate our lives to one another for eternity. Soul sickness occurs if we handle intimacy casually.

On the way back from Chipotle, one of those bubbles of the Kingdom of Heaven exploded in my Subaru. A testosterone-charged young man became misty-eyed; emotionally opening up to the Father of us all. As I turned into the parking lot of the school, I told Matt the decision about pursuing sex with Sarah was his. “I want you to consider the long life ahead of you and her and make the right, soulful choice. You guys are juniors, Elaine and I aren’t going anywhere. If you and Sarah want to talk further, know we are available.”

Sometimes silence is deafening. Without a word, he gathered the lunch bags and hustled into the band room.

Elaine and I love young people. We stand as ambassadors of an unseen Kingdom of Heaven to bring wisdom and a tangible cure to the cultural, sexual pressure surrounding young people all the time. We step beyond cultural boundaries for an opportunity to go deeper and redeem modern relationships.


  • What’s good, of several good points, is that you and Elaine were/are willing to listen. It is listening that earns you the right to speak. Too often we adults assume that what we have to say (…no matter how correct we think it may be…) is more important than what we are hearing (…which may be entirely true…), but whole-hearted listening, hearing them out, allowed trust to be built. Then, a new path of learning and living was formed for these two young emerging adults. Their souls were altered by your whole-person care…and so were yours and Elaine’s. Indeed, to God be the glory!!!

    • Thank you brother! Theodore Roosevelt had it right when he said, “People don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care.”
      Young people just want to be heard and understood.

  • I have always believed that if we take care of our children, really take care of them, the problems of the world will take care of themselves. It is soooooo important to listen, and the fact that you were able to do that calmly and without a startled or judgmental reaction is amazing. What a gift for both of you, and for the children who feel safe with you and Elaine. One child at a time…………

    • Thank you, Margaret. I think you’re right, adults reflect how they were nourished as children. That’s why it’s so important to value and invest in the younger generation.

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